True Desires Read online

  He looked up at me. But it wasn’t Lee Taurus. It wasn’t the man I’d fallen in love with. It was someone else. It was a man who was biting his lip. A man whose eyes were red with a tear streaming down one of them.

  “I’m sorry, Sheila. We… We can’t be together.”

  I was imagining a lot of things. The best things. Even some bad things. But not the worst of them. It was something so unexpected I wasn’t sure how to respond. Like getting punched in the stomach but not falling despite how much pain you felt.

  “W-what?”

  I could only sputter out one word. The gears in my head were grinding in different directions, trying to process something it couldn’t begin to understand.

  “I can’t be with you.”

  Confirmation didn’t make it any easier to digest.

  “Lee—”

  “I’m sorry, Sheila. I… I just can’t…”

  He suddenly jerked his hand from mine and rocketed up from his seat. I popped up as he backed away from me.

  “What’s going on?” I said. “Why?”

  At this point, I didn’t even care about what just happened. I just wanted an answer, any answer.

  But he didn’t give me one. The answer I was looking for didn’t exist.

  He just stood there and stared at the ground with his hands on his hips, shaking his head.

  “…Are you breaking up with me?”

  I was surprised at how quickly I’d come to terms with it. The truth is my brain was working faster than the rest of my body. It was just instinct trying to make the best of the situation and figure everything out.

  He took a step back from me and finally looked up at me, his eyes still red. My boyfriend wasn’t looking back at me.

  “I really do love you, Sheila. But I can’t be with you.”

  “Why? Tell me why? Whatever it is, we can get through it—”

  I was desperate, clinging for any last hope to save what was left. But it was no use. It was like trying to push blood back into an open wound. It just kept squeezing out from between my fingers. There was no way to stop it.

  “I can’t tell you why,” he said as he took a step closer to me. “I just want you to know the time I spent with you was the most amazing time I’ve ever had. And I do love you.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes. But… I can’t… I’m sorry.”

  He moved closer to me and cupped my face in his hand. I closed my eyes as his lips pressed to mine. His lips were soft. The scruff on his face brushed against my skin. But all I could taste was the saltiness of his tears. He pulled away from me and the bitterness still lingered.

  When I opened my eyes, I saw him looking down at me. This wasn’t some cruel practical joke. This was real. I could see that just by the way he looked at me.

  “Goodbye, Sheila.”

  I took one of his hands in mine. I reached out as he started to walk away, extending my arm just long enough to feel his touch for a few seconds longer. Finally, his hand dropped from my hand. His back turned to me, he kept moving away until he became smaller and smaller. It wasn’t long before he disappeared completely.

  I stood there, frozen and silent. The hole in my stomach was gone. It had consumed me entirely, taking over my entire being. I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know how to feel. There was nothing left of me. What remained was the shell of a 17-year-old girl standing on the sidewalk, hollowed by heartbreak.

  “Lee…”

  The blazing summer sun continued to roast the entire city. The tall buildings shimmered beneath its rays. The sound of birds chirping filled the air. The traffic in the streets continued to flow. The people crowding the sidewalks went about their day.

  Chapter 2

  20 years later…

  I could hear the sound of water splashing within my dry throat. Despite how much I gulped, it felt like there was more water coming out of me than in me.

  “Air-conditioning must be broken…”

  It wasn’t. The heat coming from the sun outside made it feel like the entire building was on fire. The whole city felt that way. The summer heatwave spared no one but for some reason, I was the prime victim.

  The coffee shop continued to fill up. As the baristas behind the bar continued to stir their concoctions together, more parched throats marched in to be satisfied. I groaned whenever I heard the sound of the door opening, knowing that more hot air was coming in to beat on the already struggling air conditioning.

  The sound of friendly conversations filled the air along with the latest pop tunes from singers I was too old to recognize. I didn’t know what song was playing or who was singing it but I knew it wasn’t meant for me.

  I looked around and noticed everybody else trying to cool off. They were sweating and trying to hydrate the same as me. But they didn’t look as annoyed. I suppose my circumstances were a little different.

  I didn’t know how long I’d been waiting. Counting the minutes didn’t help.

  “Where is she?”

  I mumbled to myself with a sigh.

  “Maybe it was too good to be true…”

  Just when I was about to give up, the door jingled open for what felt like the hundredth time and she walked in. A rush of hot air filled the store but I didn’t notice it. I barely would have noticed her, too, if I hadn’t seen a photo of her.

  She didn’t look like much. She seemed average and unassuming. Not to say that she was homely. But there was something inexplicably dignified about her.

  She wore a modest black skirt that hung just below her knees. It was complemented by a pair of flat pumps. The fair skin of her legs matched the rest of her body. Her arms were exposed by a white camisole top. Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. I suppose I was expecting more considering how much money she was worth.

  I slowly stood up from my seat and made my way toward her then watched as she searched the crowd of people dying for their blended coffee drinks.

  “Mrs. Barnett.”

  I got her attention and she turned and looked at me. Her sunglasses lowered and behind them I saw a pair of inquisitive brown eyes.

  “Sheila?”

  “Yes.”

  I smiled and sighed with relief.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs. Barnett,” I said as I shook her hand.

  “Please, just call me Alice.”

  “Right. Alice. I got us a table over here.”

  I led her back to the seat where I had been anxiously waiting for my moment with her. She took a seat across from me and I got an even better look at her.

  Alice Barnett was married to a billionaire. She lived in New Gardens with him. Together, they forged a business that was a global powerhouse. But they never stuck around. Alice and her husband moved their base of operations for a reason I couldn’t even assume. New Gardens wasn’t the same city it once was.

  Even though she was around my age, it was harder to tell. She looked young. Whatever lifestyle she’d led up to this point apparently hadn’t taken its toll on her. Or maybe she was just rich enough to afford whatever it was to maintain her youthful appearance.

  She tucked her sunglasses away into her purse then gave me a polite smile.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “There was a lot of traffic on the way here. They were doing some construction and I had to take a detour.”

  “It’s all right. That’s just how it is. It takes a bit of getting used to.”

  “That makes sense.”

  Her smile widened as she turned to look out the window. I didn’t say anything. For some reason, the way she stared made it look like something was on her mind. I didn’t dare ask what she was thinking. The moment lasted for a few seconds before I finally spoke up.

  “Would you like something to drink?” I asked.

  “No,” she said as she turned back to me, the friendly smile still on her face. “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure? I could cut in line. They know I’ve been waiting here for a
bit—”

  “I’m fine. Thank you though. We should get down to business.”

  “Right,” I said with a quick nod. “Business. I’m sure you’re a busy woman. I’ll try to make this as quick as possible. It’s just… I really do appreciate you taking the time out.”

  “The thought was intriguing. And you seem like a good person. I want to do what I can to help.”

  “Okay. I’m glad to hear it.”

  I tapped my hands and sat up straight. I’d practice my spiel several times the night before and a few more times earlier in the morning. But with Alice Barnett right there in front of me, it felt a little different. Rehearsal was over. And here I was, a grown woman, suddenly feeling a nervousness I couldn’t remember since I was a much younger girl.

  “Here’s the thing,” I started. “New Gardens is an amazing city. The people are great. The food is good. There’s a lot of stuff to do here. I think the Sailors are going to be good this year.”

  “Are they?” she said with a chuckle. “I can’t remember a time when anybody thought the Sailors were any good. Nobody really even thinks about them when they think of this city.”

  “Maybe. But I think people will be talking about the New Gardens Sailors next season. They’ve got some new players. Who knows, maybe this will become the next great sports town.”

  “Somehow I doubt that.”

  We shared a laugh together. The nervousness I felt just moments ago was still there but it was easier to mask. Alice smiled at me like she was a friend. Anybody watching us talk might think we’d been friends for years.

  “But that’s not why I’m here,” she said. “You spoke to me about an investment. If it’s about investing in the New Gardens Sailors, you can count me out.”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not it. That’s not the point I was trying to make.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I think you already know.”

  I looked into her eyes without saying anything. My lips were pursed. My jaw clenched. I swallowed, trying to maintain my composure. She knew what I was trying to get at. There was no need for me to say it.

  She inhaled a sigh from between her teeth and nodded her head.

  “The shelter,” she said. “You need help with your shelter.”

  “It’s not my shelter. It’s the city’s shelter.”

  “There are dozens of shelters in this city.”

  “And it’s hard to tell there are. You see so many people out on the streets you wonder if anybody is doing anything to help them.”

  “And is anybody doing anything to help them?”

  She raised an eyebrow at me. The friendly demeanor she had was gone. Now she was the woman I knew she was. The businesswoman who’d taken the city by storm all those years ago. The seriousness in her eyes was intimidating. So intimidating I would have crumpled into a ball right then and there if the circumstances were different.

  “There’s only so much I can do,” I said as I shook my head. “City funding is at an all-time low. City council refuses to spend another dime in trying to fix the situation. Violent crime rates are not going down. Drug arrests are going up. There’s something wrong in this city.”

  “And what do you want me to do?” she responded. “Is an investment in your shelter going to fix all of those problems?”

  “No. It won’t solve everybody’s problems. But it’s a start. And maybe, just maybe, that will convince everybody else to chip in. Maybe when we renovate the shelter, more people will start volunteering. Maybe people will start acting differently. Maybe city officials will step in and increase funding—

  “And maybe God himself will come down and cure everything else that plagues us.”

  I wasn’t nervous any longer. I thought there was no way this could go wrong. But the look in her eyes told me the plan I had was failing. My desperation kicked in.

  “You’ve walked down these streets,” I said. “You’ve seen the people. They need help. That’s what I’m asking for. It might seem like I’m just asking for money. But it’s not the money. It’s help. And I think you, a woman who lived in this city for so long, would be able to understand that.”

  “Lived. I lived in this city. I lived in this city with my husband and we had an amazing time. I raised a child here.”

  “Then why won’t you help?”

  “My husband and I left a long time ago. There was nothing I could do. There was nothing he could do. You know something is wrong when even a billionaire can’t fix the problems this city has.”

  She leaned forward with her elbows on the table. Nobody was eavesdropping on our conversation. The music wasn’t so loud that I couldn’t hear her. But she wanted to make sure I didn’t miss a word.

  “New Gardens has a problem. I don’t know what it is but I know I can’t fix it. Look around you, Sheila. All the major players are gone. Every billionaire looks at this city like it’s one giant bonfire. Throwing money at it won’t do anything. All you can do is watch your money burn.”

  She eased back into her chair and sighed. The tension I saw in her face was gone but the serious demeanor hadn’t disappeared. Her mind was made up. Hell, she probably made up her mind before she even walked into the place.

  What else could I say? What else could I do? Here I had a woman worth an ungodly amount of money sitting right in front of me. Just the tiniest piece of it would make a difference and I couldn’t even get that.

  “I’m not asking for a lot,” I said. “I just need enough to renovate the shelter so we can support the building occupancy. Just a little bit—”

  “I suppose you think just because my husband is worth billions that we don’t care about our investments. You think that we don’t value money because we have so much of it. Let me tell you a little secret, Sheila. The reason most rich people are rich is because they know the exact value of it. They treat every piece of it, no matter how small, with respect.”

  “I would treat it with respect. I’m not taking this lightly.”

  “I know you’re not. But New Gardens is bleeding from a gaping wound and you’re asking me for a bandage. That’s not going to stop the bleeding. All you’re left with is a bandage, soaked in blood. That’s of no use to anybody.”

  She was right. Her money would have helped but there was nothing in it for her. There was an endless number of worthy causes she could have donated to. She had no obligation to me.

  I stared at the table for a few seconds, searching for any other options. But nothing came to me. Alice seemed to be sitting there patiently waiting for my response. With nothing left, I looked up at her and threw my last shot.

  “Please…”

  One word was enough to soften her face. The seriousness in her eyes was replaced with a profound, heartfelt sadness. I stared at her and thought I had her. I wanted to see a woman who saw what I saw. But she shook her head at me and crushed any dream that remained.

  “I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I can’t. I don’t know you well enough, Sheila. I know you have good intentions but intentions aren’t enough to fix this city.”

  “I understand.”

  I resigned myself to reality. For a moment, sitting across from her, I thought I had already crossed the finish line. The real finish line wasn’t in sight.

  “Thank you for your time,” I said to her.

  “Of course, Miss Cooper. Please. Feel free to contact me anytime if you have any other ideas. I can’t say that things will be different next time, however.”

  I stared down at the table and a business card appeared on top of it, Alice’s hand pushing it toward me. I looked at it for a few seconds then turned my head up just as she got up out of her seat.

  “Why did you come?” I asked. “Why did you come when you already knew what this was all about? You knew I was going to ask for a donation. Why didn’t you just tell me no?”

  She nodded her head slightly. She didn’t say anything immediately but responded after a few seconds.

>   “I wanted to believe,” she said. “I wanted to believe you were the one who could fix this city. You don’t understand how important New Gardens is to me. My husband Rafael… This city means everything to him. We have so many memories here. This city has a part of our hearts.”

  “Was it hard? Leaving…”

  She sighed a deep breath through her nostrils, her jaw clenched before she answered.

  “It’s not about whether it’s hard or easy. Sometimes you just have to accept the way things are and move on. I’m sure you understand that. If not, one day you will.”

  She was the richest woman in the building, maybe in the entire city. But as I watched her leave and blend in with the rest of the crowd at the coffee shop, she just looked like everybody else. Another person I couldn’t count on for help.

  I flipped Alice’s business card between my fingertips and went through everything that just happened. The sound of the music slowly came back to me. The crowd of people ordering their iced teas and coffees grew louder. I couldn’t take it any longer.

  Piercing sun rays greeted me as soon as I left the comforts of the air-conditioned coffee shop. It was the middle of the day with a clear blue sky, so there was no hiding from the sun.

  Alice’s card still between my fingers, I began my trek back into the city. I had only taken a few steps before I was interrupted.

  “Sheila! Hey, Sheila! Wait up!”

  A familiar face greeted me as I looked up.

  “Oh, Max… Hey…”

  I met Max the day I came back to New Gardens. He seemingly came out of nowhere. He was an older man, close to 50 at this point. But he had a youthful exuberance about him. And he had a lot of it. He probably couldn’t go a minute without smiling.

  I suppose I would smile too if I were him. He still had a full head of hair cropped close to his head and it was only just beginning to gray. His skin was dark but smooth and less wrinkled than most men his age. The only time you ever noticed it was when he smiled. And even then, you would get distracted by how white his teeth were. Everything about him seemed off. In a good way.

  He walked with a bounce in his step despite a very tiny but noticeable limp. Despite the summer heat and the sweat on his body, he didn’t seem to mind. He wore nothing but a plain white tank-top and a pair of shorts. It was easy to tell he was an older man from the way he slouched over. It was an old injury maybe. Something from his past I hadn’t bothered digging into at this point.