True Desires Page 3

  “What are you doing?” I asked. “Have you been following me?”

  “I heard you had a big meeting. Just wanted to see how things went. Can you blame me?”

  “No,” I sighed. “I guess I can’t.”

  “So? How did it go?”

  He held his hands out with that big goofy smile on his face. I couldn’t help but smile back even though I wasn’t in the mood for it. I shook my head at him with a frown and he understood immediately.

  “Damn!” he said with a snap of his fingers. “I really thought you had it.”

  “Yeah. It turns out even billionaires don’t waste their money. Who would’ve thought?”

  I walked down the street with Max and contemplated my miserable attempt at trying to get an investment. I preferred to be alone with my thoughts but Max wasn’t interested.

  “So, what’s plan B?” he asked.

  “Plan B?”

  “Yeah, the plan with the Barnett woman didn’t work out. Who’s next?”

  “I…” I said as I shook my head, unsure of how to respond. “I really haven’t thought about a plan B. To be honest with you, I really hadn’t thought much about plan A.”

  “Now, now, Sheila. It’s all right.”

  He patted me on the shoulder like I was his child even though he was only a decade older than me. It was somehow comforting though. Max seemed to have that effect on people.

  “You took your shot and you missed,” he continued. “You gonna stop shooting?”

  “No, I just don’t think there are any shots left to take. How about you? Don’t you know someone? Zara?”

  Max shook his head at me, that same fatherly smile tattooed on his face.

  “Lanea isn’t interested. She left this city around the same time everybody else did. All those rich people got too much sense to stick around.”

  “Right. If she wanted to invest, she would have done it already.”

  We continued making our way back down the street until we finally got back to the shelter. Just standing outside of it, you could tell how dilapidated it was inside. The windows were barred. The paint was peeling. The buildings next to us were abandoned.

  Outside, homeless people melted underneath the sweltering heat. Drug addicts searched for shade in the darkness of the alleys. I was ashamed of thinking that the next person who walked by me was a criminal willing to mug me but it was something I always had to consider.

  “Now what?” I asked Max, my arms out. “What am I supposed to do?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for you. Not yet, anyway. But I’m sure something will come up.”

  “I don’t see how anything comes up. We don’t have any options.”

  “Hey, we’re still making ends meet. Our situation is desperate but it’s not that bad. We’re gonna hang in there.”

  “Right. You know, even in the worst situations, you always find a way to make them seem solvable.”

  “That’s because they are. I’ve been at the bottom before. I thought I’d be there forever. But…”

  “But what?”

  “I got myself out. I got lucky.”

  “Luck. That’s pretty much the only thing that will save us.”

  “That’s the spirit.”

  He playfully punched me on the arm and it got a chuckle out of me. Max continued to play the father figure I didn’t need at this point in my life. But I didn’t mind. He was always welcome company.

  “Is that why you want to help?” I asked him. “Because you’ve been to the bottom and you want to pull others up?”

  “That’s part of it, I’d say. But not all of it.”

  “What else is there?”

  “The most important reason of all.”

  He moved in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders.

  “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

  He stared right at me as he said it. I looked right back at him and the kindness in the eyes of the older man was clear.

  “You’re a good person, Sheila. That’s why you came back to New Gardens. That’s why you want to help all of these people. Don’t give up.”

  “I… I won’t. It just gets hard—”

  “Hey! Isn’t your birthday coming up?”

  “Huh? What? Who told you that?”

  “Marie. She noticed it in your personnel file and she told me.”

  “All right. But what does that have to do with anything—”

  “You’ve been working really hard lately. You’ve been spending a lot of hours at the shelter. Too many, if you ask me. Even when you’re not there you’re trying to get a business deal. Take a break.”

  “But I—”

  “Take a break. I insist. Tonight. We’ll go out. Get a drink or two. Get your mind off the shelter. Even for just a few hours. Maybe it’ll clear your head and you’ll figure out a plan B.”

  He was right. Even if he weren’t, I welcomed the opportunity to take a moment away from the shelter. I’d been working so many hours that I had nothing else going on in my life. It was easy for me to accept his invitation.

  “All right,” I said with a nod. “I’ll go have a drink tonight.”

  “Great. Don’t worry. I know a place. You’ll enjoy yourself. I promise.”

  Max waved to me and made his way down the sidewalk, leaving me at the shelter. I never knew what Max did in his free time. I didn’t know if he worked. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were doing something illegal. He wasn’t an ordinary man in any regard but trying to figure him out wasn’t a priority.

  It was the middle of the day and I still had a few more hours left to work at the shelter. I took a moment and stood underneath the sun for a few moments to gather myself. The thoughts of my meeting with Alice still lingered in my mind. As I wiped the sweat from my forehead, my thoughts were interrupted as something caught the corner of my eye.

  The massive skyscraper that stood in the center of the city caught my attention. It always caught my attention. No matter what direction you looked, the tallest building in New Gardens was always in your way. And the name ‘Taurus’ was plastered across the top of it.

  I stared at the massive building for a few moments, my thoughts empty. Then I turned to the sign of the shelter in front of me.

  New Gardens Village Shelter

  The sign needed to be replaced. It was one thing on an endless list that needed fixing. I looked at the sign for a few seconds before sighing and finally making my way inside.

  Chapter 3

  I sighed before taking a sip of beer.

  “Thirty-eight.”

  The bitterness of the cheap alcohol distracted me from having to say it.

  “Forty.”

  I slowly turned my head and gave him a slightly confused stare.

  “What?”

  “Forty. You’re forty.”

  “I’m not forty,” I replied. “I just said I’m turning thirty-eight.”

  “You’re forty though. Close enough, anyway.”

  “Close enough?” I said with a chuckle. “Forty is forty. Thirty-eight is thirty-eight. There’s a difference.”

  “Not really. You might as well round up.”

  “Who rounds up when they’re talking about their age? Two years! That’s a huge difference!”

  “Not when you’re forty.”

  I sighed and took another swig from the bottle. I knew Max was only teasing me. He wasn’t the type to say anything deliberately insulting. This was just another one of his weird quirks.

  While I thought about the inevitability of heading into my fifth decade of living, Max patted me on the shoulder like he always did and consoled me.

  “You’re forty,” he continued. “Sure, you’re thirty-eight. But nobody is counting. Not when the years start piling up. But you might as well just start saying it now.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Because you’ll have two whole years to tell people you’re forty. When you actually turn forty, you’ll already be used to
it.”

  “That’s one way of looking at it.”

  He always had a way of making you see things his way.

  “But it’s not that big of a deal to me,” I said. “I’m not one of those women who’s hung-up on her youth. I’m not clinging to anything. I learned to let go of things a long time ago.”

  “You seem like the type.”

  “If you’re an older woman, it gets beaten into your head. Biological clocks and sand in the hourglass. I don’t know who or where it comes from but it doesn’t bother me. There are more important things in life to worry about.”

  “Right. Like getting some more alcohol. It’s almost your birthday. You need to celebrate. I’ll be right back.”

  Max stood up from his seat and grabbed the empty bottles of beer then headed to the bartender. I leaned back in my chair and explored my surroundings with a sigh.

  It was a seedy little bar. The wood paneling on the walls and floor looked like they’d seen better days. Framed photos of unknown celebrities and athletes to go along with random memorabilia looked like they had been thrown up as decoration with no rhyme or reason. The lights were dim but were bright enough to highlight a tinge of cigarette smoke wafting in the air. The music coming from the blown-out speakers was just enough to mask the conversations going on.

  Despite its grimy appearance, the bar had a lively patronage. There must have been some reason people came to this place. There had to be something I was missing. A personality or charm that hadn’t dawned on me yet. Or maybe all of these people were just looking for a place to drown their sorrows and this was as good a spot as any.

  Before I could contemplate my situation any further, Max returned quickly and plopped another drink in front of me. I stared down at the glass, surprised not to see another bottle of beer.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Vodka.”

  “And you got me vodka because?”

  “It’s a special occasion. You don’t want to fill up on just cheap booze.”

  “It’s not my birthday yet. Not for a few days. But I guess that’s as good a reason as any.”

  I downed the clear liquid in a gulp and let the glass fall back to the table. The alcohol stung as it went down and the aftertaste lingered. But its effects as it went into my bloodstream distracted me from any regrets or reservations I might have previously had. I was beginning to enjoy myself to the point that I just chuckled to myself without reason.

  “That’s the spirit,” Max said to me. “That’s the first real smile I’ve seen in a long time.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, reminded of what happened earlier in the day. “We’re in a tough spot.”

  “I know that it’d be impossible for me to get your mind off the shelter. But I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to let you know everything is going to be all right, you hear me? I’m here.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said with a nod. “I know you’re here. I just… I’m kind of out of options. We can’t do anything without funds.”

  “We can’t do anything more. You’ve already done more than your fair share ever since you came back here a few months ago. More money just means we can’t help more people.”

  “That’s just it. So many people in this city need our help. It’s frustrating nobody realizes it. Or maybe they do and they’re not willing to do anything about it, which just makes it worse.”

  “You can’t blame people for worrying about themselves. They’ve gotta live their lives, too.”

  “Yeah, maybe that’s it.”

  I held the empty glass up in front of me and stared at it.

  “Maybe I should just forget about it,” I said. “Maybe I should just leave and go back out on the road. I might be able to enjoy myself if I stopped caring about other people.”

  “I know you can’t do that.”

  I couldn’t. There was no way I could. No matter how much I considered it, I couldn’t just leave. If anything, my pride wouldn’t allow me.

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “I know.”

  “There is one other option…”

  I looked away from the empty glass and raised my eyebrows at him.

  “There is?” I asked.

  “There’s one person you haven’t asked.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “The richest man in the city. He’s pretty popular around these parts.”

  “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

  “Oh my goodness, Sheila. How drunk are you? He owns the tallest building in the city. He’s in the newspaper every other day.”

  “Oh… Him…”

  I lost interest quickly. My attention turned back to the empty glass in my hand.

  “I’m just saying,” he said. “It’s an option. If anybody has money, it’s Lee Taurus. And he’s from New Gardens, so there’s a better chance he’s willing to help out. Hell, he’s still here, so there’s definitely a chance. Maybe he should take some of the money he used to build that monstrosity to help the shelter out.”

  “No,” I said as I shook my head. “I… I don’t think that’s happening.”

  “Why not?”

  “No. I’m not gonna ask… I’m not gonna ask him for a donation.”

  “But why not—”

  “No.”

  I looked at Max and shook my head again. Despite the alcohol now pumping through my veins and slowly taking control of me, I still had my wits. If there was anything I was sure of, it was this.

  “You can talk to the man if you want to,” I said.

  “Yeah but you’re a pretty lady. He’s not gonna give an old man the time of day like he would you—”

  “Ha!”

  Max was confused by my sudden outburst. I wasn’t going to explain it to him though. My mind was already made up and I didn’t want to give it a second thought.

  “It’s almost my birthday,” I said to him. “I’m turning forty soon. You brought me here to have a drink. So let’s have a drink.”

  He looked at me for a second before nodding with a smile on his face. He knew I didn’t want to talk about it any longer. There was nothing more that needed to be said.

  “All right. One more drink for the forty-year-old.”

  “Forty!”

  I nearly reeled back in my chair as I said it, half-drunk and half-glad I didn’t have to think about anything serious for the next few hours.

  Max and I sat at the bar and had enough drinks to loosen me up. We didn’t do much else. I watched all of the patrons enjoy themselves. Some of the couples danced with one another to the barely audible music. All of this while Max told me all about his time in New Gardens at the shelter. He definitely had some interesting tales. Whether or not I believed him was another story but it didn’t matter. I enjoyed his company.

  I didn’t know what time it was when people started to clear. I stepped out of the bar on slightly unsteady feet and Max caught me.

  “Whoa, now! Don’t hurt yourself. You’re not as young as you used to be.”

  “Don’t remind me,” I told him.

  He slung one of my arms over his shoulders to hold me up and I leaned against him.

  “Here, let me get you a cab.”

  He raised his arm up to signal for a taxi but I pulled his arm down.

  “I’ll be fine,” I assured him.

  “No, you’re not fine.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I repeated. “My apartment is just down the street. Nothing is gonna happen. I’ll stick to the sidewalks and I’ll make it home.”

  Max gave me an uneasy look.

  “Max…”

  “All right, lady,” he sighed, a bit of reluctance on his face.

  I think all the beer he had tonight influenced him enough to the point that he wasn’t completely overprotective of me.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he continued. “I don’t want you coming into the shelter if you’re hungover though. It’s your birthday and all.”

  “It’s not my birthday yet. I’ll… I’ll
be there.”

  Max sighed with a shrug. He remained hesitant. I couldn’t blame him though. Despite any reservations he might have had, he left me on my own and went on his way. That’s when I realized how inebriated I might have been. My apartment wasn’t down the street. It was four blocks away. But the alcohol had taken away any inclination I had to call a cab. Instead, it instilled me with a combination of confidence and idiocy that I could make the walk back to my apartment.

  The city was peaceful at night. The sound of traffic was replaced with an occasional police or ambulance siren. The homeless disappeared into the darkness of the alleyways to rest for the evening. There were men standing underneath flickering street lights from time to time but I’d never seen any of them do anything unless they were provoked.

  The moonlight shined down on the city, the sky still as clear as it was earlier in the day. A stiff breeze was a welcoming feeling to the humidity that still wafted in the air. I didn’t need to wrap my arms around myself to stay warm like I did in the winter. Instead, I walked down the street carefree, hoping to make it to my apartment so I could just collapse on my sofa for the night.

  Every now and then, I would walk by a group of two or three men. I was uncomfortable but they only glanced at me for a few seconds before turning their attention back to whatever it was they were talking about. I didn’t see why anybody would be paying much attention to me. I was a middle-aged woman in a pair of jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a pair of flats. I didn’t have a fancy handbag. I wasn’t wearing any jewelry. There was nothing designer on me. And I certainly didn’t look like any of the female addicts who looked like they could be taken advantage of. I didn’t doubt I was a strange sight to the people I walked by. Strange enough that they wouldn’t bother trying to get my attention.

  “What have we here?”

  I spoke too soon.

  I didn’t know how many blocks I’d made it when two men stood in front of my path. They were hard to tell apart from one another. Ripped jeans. Ragged shirts. Sloppy hair. Grease on their face like they had just gotten off an eight-hour shift in construction.